For the family and friends standing in that first confusing, exhausting stretch, wondering where to even begin.
If someone you love just passed away, please know two things. First — we’re genuinely sorry. Second — you don’t have to hold all of this in your head at once. Nobody does. This is simply a place to come back to when you’re not sure what’s next.
There’s no strict timeline here. Some of these happen in hours, some in days, some whenever you’re ready. Go at the pace you can manage.
Right away
Contact the funeral home. If a death happens at home or somewhere unexpected, they’ll often guide you through the very first calls, including any required legal or medical notifications. This is usually the first call to make — they know what comes next, so you don’t have to.
Notify close family. The people who need to hear it from a person, not a Facebook post. A short list, just the closest circle, for now.
Locate any pre-arranged wishes. Some people leave instructions — burial or cremation preference, a specific service they wanted, even funds set aside. No judgment if none exists; most families are figuring this out as they go too.
In the first few days
Meet with the funeral home to set the service details. Date, time, and location, and whether it’s a traditional funeral, a memorial, or a celebration of life. They’ll also help you understand burial or cremation logistics.
Contact a minister, priest, rabbi, or officiant, if a faith service is wanted. If your loved one didn’t have a home congregation, funeral homes usually know someone who can lead a respectful, personal service.
Choose a resting place, if one isn’t already arranged — a family plot, a cemetery, or a columbarium for ashes.
Gather a few photos for the service or a memory table. Doesn’t need to be organized. Just a handful that feel like them.
Write the obituary, or let something like this tool help you do it in minutes. This is usually needed quickly, since many newspapers and funeral programs work on tight deadlines.
Decide on pallbearers, if it’s a traditional service, and reach out to ask.
Think about flowers vs. donations. Many families ask for a preferred charity in lieu of flowers — a cause your loved one cared about is a lovely way to keep helping in their name.
Within the first couple of weeks
Order certified copies of the death certificate. You’ll likely need more than you think — banks, insurance, the DMV, and various accounts each want their own original copy. Funeral homes can usually help you order these.
Notify these people and places, when you’re ready:
- Their employer, if they were working
- Their bank and any financial advisors
- Life insurance company, if applicable
- Social Security Administration
- Their doctor’s office
- Utility companies and landlord, if they lived alone
Secure their home, if they lived by themselves — mail, pets, plants, anything time-sensitive.
Whenever you’re ready — no rush
Notify remaining accounts: credit cards, subscriptions, social media (most platforms have a “memorialize” option, if that’s something you’d want).
Handle the estate, with a lawyer if there’s a will, or your state’s process if there isn’t one. This part can wait until the immediate grief has some room to breathe.
Write thank-you notes, eventually, for those who brought food, sent flowers, or simply showed up. There’s no deadline on gratitude.
One last thing
You will not do this perfectly, and that’s completely fine. Somebody will get a call a day later than they “should have.” A detail will get missed. None of that is a failure — it’s just what grief looks like when it’s mixed with logistics. Be gentle with yourself the way you’d be gentle with a friend going through this.
If the obituary is the piece weighing on you most right now, that’s exactly what this tool is here for. A few gentle questions, and we’ll help you say it right — so you can spend a little more of this hard week with the people who need you, instead of at a keyboard.
Need help with the obituary? Start here →